April 11

"Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation"
— Khalil Gibran

My name is Kristin and on April 11, 2011 I lost my first child to a grueling, traumatic miscarriage. Very few people want to know the details of my miscarriage and many people cannot comprehend what I went through. Few people, after finding out about the miscarriage, offered their condolences and expressed a genuine concern for my well-being after the death of my child. Some people even offered these "words of comfort":

“You will have another kid”

“You will be a mother some day”

“These things happen”

“These things happen for a reason”

“I didn’t realize it was such a traumatic ordeal for you”

A large number of individuals that know I miscarried did not say one word to me. Why did they not say anything? Were they afraid to hear about my miscarriage? Did they not think my child was a “real baby”? Were they afraid of offending me?

What is more alarming to me is the number of women that shared their miscarriage story with me after my miscarriage was said and done. Miscarriage stories came out of the woodworks. About half of the women with miscarriage stories DID NOT tell and still HAVE NOT told their friends or family about it. Their miscarriages are a deep, dark secret- A secluded secret that was not meant to see the light of day. I was saddened to hear their stories then and my heart breaks for them now.

My heart breaks for the mothers and fathers that silently grieved their baby and for the children that are nameless and unknown because of the silence. Our babies were real, they were important to us, they had heart beats. They were uniquely designed and created; they were our future and our family. By choosing not to speak about our miscarriages we overlook the child that we loved, nurtured and longed for.

I think of my child often and miss him dearly. I wanted everyone to know that he existed. He deserves to be recognized as my first child. Miscarriage should never be taken lightly by anyone- it is a loss of life. We should mourn openly without fear for our babies that had to endure the horrific experience of miscarriage.

Let us remember the children that we lost- from weeks, to years old. If you would like to share your miscarriage story on this blog, please email it to me at kpenter@hotmail.com

Blessings of peace to all.