Writing from the Heart

I came across this little dedication while browsing through an after miscarriage jealousy forum:

Some nights i wake up wondering how different life
would be if God hadn't decided to make you one of
his angels.. and then i think long and hard you came
into my life for as long as you did because that was
both our destinies.. There isn't one day i don’t
wonder what if.. One thing i am sure of is that you
are forever in my heart i love you baby girl!

Isn't it beautiful? It describes my feelings exactly.

I have been having a hard time lately with jealousy. It seems like everyone I know is pregnant. I cannot honestly say that I am happy for them because the jealousy I feel is overwhelming. Whenever I talk to people about this, they tend to say the same thing- "You will have a baby someday".

That statement bothers me a bit because I feel like they are assuming that I only want a cute, cuddly baby to oh and ah over. I don't want to have a baby to have a baby, I want a family. In addition to jealousy, I also feel very lonely. Sure it's nice to be able to do what I want, when I want. Sleep whenever I want and for however long I want, but I would trade those things instantly for a family. It sure does get lonely with just the two of us.

Another thing I would like to leave you readers with is this-

I feel like the emotional toil of a miscarriage will never be understood by those that have not had miscarriages. I also get a sense that a lot of women do not put themselves in the place of a woman that has had a miscarriage. If you are a mother that was fortunate enough to deliver and raise a child, imagine what your life would be like if your child was never born. Could you imagine life without your child? Women that have had miscarriages, stillbirths, or infant loss have to imagine life without their child each and every day. Chances are when these women found out they were pregnant their entire life changed the instant the pee stick showed positive. They planned and prepared. They saw their baby on a sonogram and heard their baby's hearbeat. Their pregnancy was real and their child meant just as much as your child or children mean to you. With that, I encourage you to open your heart and sympathize with the women that have had to carry the burden of pregnancy and infant loss.

Blessings of peace and comfort to all of you grieving mothers out there.