As November looms around the corner, there is nothing that can be said or done to make the painful memory of the miscarriage go away. Come November 28, there will be no child in our arms or family of three. Dwelling on this makes me incredibly sad at times. Will there ever come a time when that date doesn't make me sad?
For me, this entire year has been one gigantic hurdle. One large mountain to climb. One nightmare that will not end. One year filled with tragic and life-altering events.
At times I feel like I struggle to just keep a grasp on my sanity. Most of the time, I want to hide under a rock for an indefinite amount of time. Months ago I wanted this year to end, and now I'm afraid to think of what a new year will bring. This to shall pass, right? Who the hell knows.
My faith is not doing much to sustain me. Friends and family bring me temporary joy. My husband is supportive and loving beyond belief but still I feel a void. School and work keep my mind off of things but contribute to my stress levels. The only way to explain how I feel is that there is an emptiness inside of me that won't go away. That emptiness seems to not want to be filled by any of the positives in my life.
I've done enough poo-pooing for the day and need to pull myself together. My heart goes out to you all that are swimming through a similar sea of crap.
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