Many Mountains to Climb

To add insult to injury, I was laid off of my full-time job of four years. Although said job has recently returned to me with a new part-time proposition that I accepted, I am still very, very bitter about what happened.

The lay off happened on Wednesday the 20th.

After I was let go, I was escorted out of the building, boarded the light rail, and made my way back home, completely alone. The loneliness and pain that I felt yesterday was reminiscent of the loneliness and pain felt during my miscarriage. Of course the two are completely different, but both experiences initiated similar feelings.

Once again my life completely changed. Too much of that has happened this year.

In this year alone, I have lost my dear grandfather, first child and job. My husband earlier in the year lost his job and has since found another. We have been slammed with medical bills and passed due bills since the miscarriage. It was not because my husband was out of work that these bills were not paid, it was because I stopped paying them(I'm the bill payer of the house) after the miscarriage. It is not that I didn't want to pay them; I literally did not even think to pay them. The thought did not register in my mind. I wish it had.

I've heard that calm seas do not make great sailors, but are these experiences really making me a great sailor? I just can't tell. There are days when I want to give up and days when I literally do not want to get up. I question on occasion how I continue on in this mess of a life I have for myself right now. When and how will things get better?

If the big man upstairs is testing me, I truly hope he is finished for now. I realize that I am having a tiny pity party and need to focus on what and who I have in my life, but at this very moment, it is not easy.

All in all, I'm blessed to have my family, friends, animals, house, vehicles and other things in my life. I have to focus on the positives and I will try my best.
If you're going through a hellacious time in your life right now, my heart is out to you. We will get through this I'm sure, we just cannot lose whatever faith we might have. May we start climbing over these mountains soon. Peace and blessings.